If you haven't already, you might want to read the original story first to understand this a bit more.
To read the original, click on the PHARMASAVE logo, and go to the stories page of MyCosmo.
To read the original, click on the PHARMASAVE logo, and go to the stories page of MyCosmo.
The following story is based on "The Fuzz" By Connor Poirier.
THE FUZZ: The un-told story... (By Mr. Goargy Ruffles)
It was a crisp fall day. Around 11:30am. Me and my pet human, Mrs. Vanhoosen-Shcnitzel, were going for a walk downtown to the bank. We saw several police cars surrounding the building. It didn't look good. But of course, Mrs. Vanhoosen-Shcnitzel, being hopelessly confused, completely forgot about me, and ran right into the middle of the madness. Well, she didn't exactly run. She started with a slow jog, then tripped over her own foot and kind of rolled the rest of the way.
Anyway, there she was headed toward the mayhem. I didn't want to, but I had to go after her. I didn't really like Mrs. Vanhoosen-Shcnitzel, but who else would feed me? So I ran after her. When I got into the bank,
I saw worried people sreaming with their hands over their heads. I noticed some kid giving thousands of pennies to some dude in a ski mask.
Then I saw her. Mrs. Vanhoosen-Shcnitzel rolling around in the corner, struggling to get up. But luckily, she was unharmed. After about 50 people managed to pry her off the floor, we went on our way home. But before Mrs Vanhoosen-Shcnitzel was finally scraped off the floor, I looked out the window and noticed the cops following a smurf-sized car speeding out of control down the highway. The car looked kind of familiar. I knew those dentures from somewhere. So anyway, we were walking for a while.
There was a bit of a delay when Mrs. Vanhoosen-Shcnitzel saw a burned sausage in the middle of the road and decided not to waste "perfectly good food." So, after she risked her life for a chunk of old meat, something happened that I don't know how to perfectly describe, but it was something I will never forget. We were crossing the street, when all of the sudden,the Smurf-Mobile came speeding down the road. It missed Mrs. Vanhoosen-Shcnitzel's rump by about a centimeter. I wish I had the same luck. The veichle slammed into me as fast as the door to Mrs. Vanhoosen-Shcnitzel's personal bathroom. There I was, pressed against the windshield. Right in front of me, behind the glass, was a three-year-old driving the car! The same kid who was giving the coins to the ski mask guy! That was when I remembered the kid. He was the grandson of Bertha McQuaggle-Grumpyrump, Mrs. Vanhoosen-Shcnitzel's bingo rival! For some reason, in the passenger seat there was about $1000 worth of Pepto Bismol. There was a strange look of shock and panic on the kid's face. I hadn't seen a look like that since Mrs. Vanhoosen-Shcnitzel ran out of her constipation medicine. I was still on the windshield, praying I would survive the terror of the smurf car. Then the kid decided he couldn't drive with a cat blocking his view. He rolled down the window, reached out, grabbed me by the tail, and threw me as far as he possibly could. Which of course, wasn't very far, because the cops were right behind us. I just flew from one windshield to another. The officer behind the wheel had the same shocked expression on his face as the kid. But as soon as I hit the car, I saw a strange vision of a monkey and a leprechaun fighting over a nugget. I was clinging on for dear life, but started sliding off. I saw my life pass before my eyes. I don't know how, but the next thing I knew, I was in the back seat of the smurf mobile, next to a toy pistol. Then we hit the water. There was a huge splash. One way or another the kid managed to escape.
I didn't. The car was sinking. Going down fast. Who knew it would end this way? Sinking, surrounded by Pepto Bismol in a smurf-sized car with flaming dentures on the doors, a bumper sticker that reads "Born to be wild!" and a plate that says PEPTO MAMA. I said my last words and prepared to die. Then, out of nowhere I heard a massive splash louder than the car. The door burst open, and I was grabbed and pulled out of the water by none other than
Mrs. Vanhoosen-Shcnitzel. I was so relieved. I had never been happier to smell that unknown stench. I had a few broken bones, I was in terrible pain, and I was soaking wet, but I was still alive, and that's what was important. During the five months I was in the hospital, I recieved several get well cards, a fruit basket, and a card from the kid apologizing for throwing me at a cop car. Once I got out of the hospital, everything went back to normal for a while. Until Mrs. Vanhoosen-Shcnitzel won the grand prize of a bingo match. Coincidentally, the grand prize was a brand-new smurf-sized sports car. The car sreamed, "Hot wire me, little kitty!" and I decided I would get my revenge.
BORN TO BE WILD!!!
To read the original story, check out MyCosmo.
Anyway, there she was headed toward the mayhem. I didn't want to, but I had to go after her. I didn't really like Mrs. Vanhoosen-Shcnitzel, but who else would feed me? So I ran after her. When I got into the bank,
I saw worried people sreaming with their hands over their heads. I noticed some kid giving thousands of pennies to some dude in a ski mask.
Then I saw her. Mrs. Vanhoosen-Shcnitzel rolling around in the corner, struggling to get up. But luckily, she was unharmed. After about 50 people managed to pry her off the floor, we went on our way home. But before Mrs Vanhoosen-Shcnitzel was finally scraped off the floor, I looked out the window and noticed the cops following a smurf-sized car speeding out of control down the highway. The car looked kind of familiar. I knew those dentures from somewhere. So anyway, we were walking for a while.
There was a bit of a delay when Mrs. Vanhoosen-Shcnitzel saw a burned sausage in the middle of the road and decided not to waste "perfectly good food." So, after she risked her life for a chunk of old meat, something happened that I don't know how to perfectly describe, but it was something I will never forget. We were crossing the street, when all of the sudden,the Smurf-Mobile came speeding down the road. It missed Mrs. Vanhoosen-Shcnitzel's rump by about a centimeter. I wish I had the same luck. The veichle slammed into me as fast as the door to Mrs. Vanhoosen-Shcnitzel's personal bathroom. There I was, pressed against the windshield. Right in front of me, behind the glass, was a three-year-old driving the car! The same kid who was giving the coins to the ski mask guy! That was when I remembered the kid. He was the grandson of Bertha McQuaggle-Grumpyrump, Mrs. Vanhoosen-Shcnitzel's bingo rival! For some reason, in the passenger seat there was about $1000 worth of Pepto Bismol. There was a strange look of shock and panic on the kid's face. I hadn't seen a look like that since Mrs. Vanhoosen-Shcnitzel ran out of her constipation medicine. I was still on the windshield, praying I would survive the terror of the smurf car. Then the kid decided he couldn't drive with a cat blocking his view. He rolled down the window, reached out, grabbed me by the tail, and threw me as far as he possibly could. Which of course, wasn't very far, because the cops were right behind us. I just flew from one windshield to another. The officer behind the wheel had the same shocked expression on his face as the kid. But as soon as I hit the car, I saw a strange vision of a monkey and a leprechaun fighting over a nugget. I was clinging on for dear life, but started sliding off. I saw my life pass before my eyes. I don't know how, but the next thing I knew, I was in the back seat of the smurf mobile, next to a toy pistol. Then we hit the water. There was a huge splash. One way or another the kid managed to escape.
I didn't. The car was sinking. Going down fast. Who knew it would end this way? Sinking, surrounded by Pepto Bismol in a smurf-sized car with flaming dentures on the doors, a bumper sticker that reads "Born to be wild!" and a plate that says PEPTO MAMA. I said my last words and prepared to die. Then, out of nowhere I heard a massive splash louder than the car. The door burst open, and I was grabbed and pulled out of the water by none other than
Mrs. Vanhoosen-Shcnitzel. I was so relieved. I had never been happier to smell that unknown stench. I had a few broken bones, I was in terrible pain, and I was soaking wet, but I was still alive, and that's what was important. During the five months I was in the hospital, I recieved several get well cards, a fruit basket, and a card from the kid apologizing for throwing me at a cop car. Once I got out of the hospital, everything went back to normal for a while. Until Mrs. Vanhoosen-Shcnitzel won the grand prize of a bingo match. Coincidentally, the grand prize was a brand-new smurf-sized sports car. The car sreamed, "Hot wire me, little kitty!" and I decided I would get my revenge.
BORN TO BE WILD!!!
To read the original story, check out MyCosmo.
